Why is handling fights in marriage carefully a Destined Initiative? Because marriage can make or break you… You want to reach your destiny with your marriage in one piece. Let’s be honest, divorce can set you back in quite a few ways. More importantly, marriage is sacred in God’s eyes, so it should be cherished even when it doesn’t feel good. The context of marriage can feel like a boxing ring, but we have to remember that our spouses are not the enemy (always, lol). You’ve undoubtedly second guessed your marriage at points in time, but you’re married now, so you have to roll with the punches and learn to love, respect, and forgive unconditionally. Check out these additional 5 tips on handling fights in marriage. (See the first 5 tips here)
1.Keep negative people out of your marital business. Misery loves company, so if you’re talking about your marriage with someone who’s miserable, bitter, hopeless, and not even trying to make things better, you can bet that the conversation will consist of endless spousal bashing with no hopes of a better day ahead.
There’s a difference between someone stating the truth in love and concern and being plain disrespectful. You don’t need that negativity in your head, so don’t even let them sow those seeds of discord. Quickly run away from anyone that talks negatively about your spouse after you’ve tactfully put them in their place! Your spouse is your other half, so any ill spoken words against them are spoken over you too!
Venting is a relieving exercise, but we have to condition ourselves to vent to God first because everyone shouldn’t know your business and it can become the hot gossip topic really quickly.
Be very cautious of getting advice regarding your marriage from people who aren’t skilled in resolving marital issues. Some people are not objective and mature enough to give you sound advice. They may be biased toward either of you and pass judgment and hold grudges beyond the forgiveness that takes place between you and your spouse.
The person that you discuss your marital issues with should be spiritually minded and willing to withhold from giving you advice if they don’t have anything constructive to say. They should encourage you to pray, pray with you and/or give a recommendation to someone that may be able to help you.
I learned quickly that everyone’s “good” advice caused entirely too much confusion. Talk to Jesus about everything first and if you’re still having a hard time managing the issue, seek wise counsel with someone who’d handle the issues with understanding and approach your marriage as a precious jewel that needs to be preserved.
2.Seek wise counsel. You don’t have to run for counsel for each argument you have. Please don’t burden people with every fight. Your line of communication to God should be in full operation, so technically, you should be able to resolve most of your marital problems between the two of you, but seek counsel if things seem to be breaking down faster than you can build them up. Get help if you notice any of the following situations:
- You’re arguing uncontrollably every single day
- You’re constantly arguing in front of your children or people outside your marriage
- Your marital issues are drastically affecting your life and responsibilities outside of the home
- There is physical, sexual, or extreme verbal abuse
If at all possible, try to be aligned on the decision to get counseling and who to get it from.
3.Meditate & believe that God will get glory somehow. As you wait on God to give you a resolution, remember that all things work to the good of those that love God and are called according to his purpose. Winning in marriage is a matter of real love. Maybe marriage is unbearable because either of you have an issue with love in general. Do you really love God with all your heart, mind, and soul? If so, obedience will follow and we’re supposed to love and forgive unconditionally. If your spouse is not a believer, then you have to be a light and win them with godly love. We have to be ministers to our spouses first before anyone else because happiness starts at home.
4.Cover your spouse no matter what. Covering your spouse is essentially covering your future together. During marital wars you may very well wish destruction, the wrath of God, or even death on your spouse. (Hey, I’m just being honest), but at the end of the day, you have a responsibility to cover your spouse’s imperfections with love, protect their reputation at all times, because once the resolution comes, you’ll want to move forward in life, but it’ll be hard to do that if you’ve vented your marital issues on social media or told the whole wide world that your spouse is a rotten egg. People won’t be as forgiving as you are and it’ll seem like they can remember your marital issues more than you can. Essentially, conflicts should boil down to bumps (or huge potholes) in the road that make you stronger and more experienced. Conflicts are opportunities to draw you closer to each other. Makeups seal the deal and they feel like honeymoons! Hey, who doesn’t like makeups?!
5.Bite the bullet! There will be plenty of times when you’ll have to take the beating for the team. You’ll have to eat that good old humble pie, admit when you’re wrong and apologize even when you didn’t intentionally mean to offend. A major goal of marriage is to make it to the end together as better people. When you stand your ground to prove that you’re right or hold a grudge unforgivably, it may send the message that you care more about being right than about the marriage as a whole.
Jesus is the perfect model of this kind of commitment. He made the decision to take on death for us, so that we could reconcile with him, be in relationship with him, and enjoy the benefits from being united with him as the holy bridegroom. This is LOVE. Sometimes it seems like marriage is full of suffering, denying yourself to pick up a cross and follow Jesus to honor the sacredness of marriage. Remember though, that those that suffer for the sake of obeying God and sticking to his standard of life, will reign with him in eternity. God will give you strength to endure to the end.
I’d love your feedback and/or grace us with some tips that you’d like to share.
